I instead of WE

 5 months ago today was the last time I saw him and spoke to him alive.  I sometimes feel like I dont know what I am doing. I have been with him since I was 18 years old, a baby right out of high school. Now I dont know who I am or who I should be as a single adult. I  never had to experience being a single adult before, and now there are all these questions coming up. Who am I really? What do I want? What do I like? What do I believe?  It was always all about him...or us.  For the most part, I liked what he liked, I followed him everywhere and supported him. I took care of him and the girls. It is all I have ever known. Now that I dont have him to take care of anymore, sometimes I feel so lost and without a purpose. This journey is one crazy ride. I am surving it because I have no choice. I do have good days. I do find reasons to be happy.  But missing him really taks over at times. Grief combined with learning how to be I instead of WE  is not an easy task.  It really is a strange feeling, to be 36 years old, and learning how to be a single adult, combined with dealing with grief.  I am not quite sure how I feel about it yet. I am sure eventually some good will come out of my learning how to be I.  But for now I sit and comtemplate how to become I while missing him and wishing it was still WE.